Saturday, January 6, 2007: my favourite (:
yes i must admit, sitting at home is quite boring, with no entertainment but the internet. and since i dont like waiting for youtube to load shows, i dont do porn, neither do i surf ebay, i dont go hunting for songs/movies to download, or even go on irc or whatever they call it now, all i do is blogsurf and blog.
i think blogsurfing is a pretty interesting hobby. sure some might say, you're just being kaypoh lah. i dare say i have to admit that there is some element of being nosey and wanting to know more about the people i dont know very well, or to check for clues about some rumors that have been spreading around. for that, yes, i have to agree that i can be quite kaypoh at times. but more of late, i think one of the reasons that i choose to blogsurf, is to get to understand people better, to understand what they are going through, to see what they've been doing with their lives. and since i'm not a person who easily reads into people's behaviour or characters, i read blogs to get an idea of how a person is like.
blogs, i find, is a medium of communication. for me, i guess, a place to rejoice, a place where my thoughts can find solace, somewhere where i can just spill out my feelings (although not everything) without actually seeing how someone will react to what i say or how i feel. becuase as we all know, sometimes what we say can hurt, what we say can be mean, even if at times we dont mean it in a certain way. so i guess for me, blogging is my outlet for my thoughts, at least most of the time. i think also because since young its been quite difficult for me to express my feelings in words. its mostly through physical action: throwing a temper, kicking up a big fuss, kicking something, being unhappy, being happy, being crazy, though touch. perhaps that is what made me the way i am today. touchy-feely? :/ i guess thats been an old habit, thats why i find it hard to not express my feelings through action. but the blog serves a greater purpose! it helps me express better i guess, helps me to pen down (or rather, type down) my thoughts and feelings, so i think i'm slowly starting to express myself better, in words, not through action. i guess you could always ask me to write in a diary, but i must say, the feel is completely different. because i guess the thought of someone reading my blog just makes me want to write more in it, compared to a diary. trust me, i've tried. writing by hand just doesnt appeal to me. typing is so much more.. cool.
in another sense, my blog also is a way for me to communicate to others about whats been going on with my life. in my opinion, i think blogs are the best invention ever, after the airconditioner and the internet. because what are blogs without the internet? and i think i wouldnt be able to live, at least not in singapore, and definitely not during summer in perth, without my dearest airconditioner. but i digress.
the point of all these blog&blogsurfing thingamagies that i'm talking about is, i came across a blog that made me feel scared. not in a bad way, i mean. (but then again, if you feel scared, how can it not be bad?) okay, afraid for that person - and i dont really know this person very well, but i have been hearing things about him. what is happening to him? why does he feel like this? how is he coping? i really do hope he's okay.
mmm, sometimes i wonder how much i should care for others. i wonder where the line lies, the limit that i should reach. how do i help someone? how can i support someone, especially someone of the opposite sex? i dont know how, and i pray that God will equip me, with wisdom, with the right words, with discernment, with timing, with love, with confidence.
but again, i digress.
i dont know, life seems so complicated sometimes. how others can go through such crap and others can live a life of such completeness and contentment (maybe its just the exterior, i'm sure everyone has struggles, perhaps its not just as bad as the people who suffer so much). sometimes i wonder if its fair to them, but i guess the world isnt fair huh? i mean, this is after all the world we are talking about. perhaps God made the world unfair so that we will be more inclined to turn to Him to seek for help! (but thats just my opinion, not quoted out of the bible! so dont quote me)
anyway, life is weird. and i think its meant to be. but no worries brothers and sisters! we are called to persevere!
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
(ps, i wonder how i got to this? i was talking about blogging, and it wasnt even supposed to be about myself :/ frustrated! but oh well! just another part of my randomness. what to do! *shrugs )
a shout of praise.
5:07 PM
